More than likely he's feeling a little frightened by the "lamp incident". My two monsters were playing earlier today and knocked a lamp over and since then have both been a little skittish. Keep an eye on him.

Youll get used to being "cat aware". Think of it as baby proofing, but higher up!

...must dash, Hercules is lying on top of the plasma tv!!!!

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My babies are my furries. This does NOT make me a crazy cat lady. Honest

Thanks to whoever gave the link to the messybeast page on nervousness and aggression. It was fascinating and this bit was, I think, particularly relevant

"Petting Anxiety.

Also called "Petting and Biting Syndrome" this is the most common aggressive behaviour in cats. You are stroking your cat and it seems to be enjoying the attention, but suddenly it turns round and attacks your hand, sometimes grabbing your wrist with its front claws and kicking you with its back feet. Sometimes this is a play behaviour, but the cat has not learnt to keep its claws sheathed or to bite gently enough that it doesn't damage our fragile human skin.

When a cat is sitting on your lap being stroked it is feeling relaxed and trusting. Then the cat realises that it is being handled by a much larger predator, not by its mother or another cat, and it feels vulnerable. Conflicting feelings of security and fear results in defensive aggression and the confused cat grabs the hand which is stroking it. It may then jump down from your lap and sit grooming itself to calm itself. Often a cycle develops: you pet the cat for a while, it reacts defensively and you stop petting it but it does not jump down so you resume petting it and after a while it reacts defensively.

Accepting being stroked has to be learned. Adult cats are naturally wary and some never learn to enjoy being petted by humans. Younger cats are more excitably, but luckily, many calm down as they get older. Some may have missed out on human attention during the socialisation period and find human attention threatening. They may enjoy being stroked (and may indulge in mutual grooming sessions with another cat), but have to learn to accept this attention from a much larger creature.

First of all, you must learn to read your cat's body language so that you can stop petting it as soon as it shows signs of unease. This way you can build up its tolerance of being handled. Sit quietly and calmly with the cat and make sure there will be no interruptions. Keep petting sessions short and always stop before the cat reacts. Common signs of imminent reaction are twitching (especially the tail), backwards-facing ears, dilated pupils, sudden tensing of the body (especially if it pulls away from you in a sideways posture). As soon as you see signs of reaction, stop petting. If possible, reward the cat with food (it helps to keep a packet of treats nearby) and gentle verbal praise. The cat has been rewarded for accepting petting and, all going well, it will learn to accept longer and longer stroking sessions over time. Never punish the cat for its defensive aggression as this reinforces its view that you are a threat or are unpredictable."

NERVOUS AND AGGRESSIVE CATS

Really interesting post, I never really knew that!

Also, I looked at the photos of Reuben, absolutely stunning cat.

Lol - as he allowed me to pet him again this morning I was thinking about the article and said to him "Strange sort of predator aren't I who feeds you scrummy food, cleans up after you've been to the loo and keeps you entertained for hours!" I reckon I could do with a predator like that!

I've also discovered it was a dastardly plan by him to knock over my lamp - as there was space where it had been and he obviously likes that corner I moved his big (previously ignored) scratch post there out of the way. I also stapled a few strings/toys etc on it and gave it a good spray of catnip (the things I do for this cat!). Since then he has started using it, so now he's got three different scratchers he'll use BUT he's still wrecking my sofa and today I found evidence that the claws had been attacking the faux leather ottoman too. Must buy some clippers but can't imagine how I'll persuade him to let me do them as so far I haven't even picked him up!

One thing I thought was - I have read some people who say don't let your cat have a piece of ordinary carpet to scratch as how can s/he differentiate between that and the carpet you him him to leave alone? Now like many cats mine seems to really like dangly string things - in fact he likes them and the wand more than the toy often! And so I fastened some dangly strings to his scratch post but now I'm worried he might start going for any kind of thin wire like my mobile charger? Problems, problems!

Finally thanks for saying he is stunning - of course I'm biased but is there anyone out there really experienced with Brits who can advise me re showing him? It's just an idea I'm considering for the future depending on how his temperament develops. The breeder said they usually like pale creams more than the darker ones with tabby striping but as Reuben is quite unusual, having darker "blotches" as opposed to stripes and having a beautifully pale chest and head, he might get somewhere. He's only 8 months now though and I know his markings may well change as he gets older.

Reuben looks fab and sounds like he is settling into exploring mode nicely! Don't worry about your sofa - I'd be more worried about when he discovers how exciting your clothes cupboards are!!

Well I found the answer to the question posed in the thread title - answer (in Reuben's case) 3 and a bit weeks with a Feliway diffuser! He is transformed in every way and every one on here was just so right when they said he would be. I've even had visitors staying for the past two days and after some initial hesitation he eventually started playing with them too and even going on their laps for short periods. He comes on my lap for even longer and purrs loudly when petted - he is just so affectionate it almost seems like a miracle! I'm like a besotted mother with a new baby - after all that time of not even being able to see him under the TV for days I now find I can't take my eyes off him - it's like I need to make up for lost time!! And even my visitors commented on how particularly good looking he is and I hadn't solicited their opinion.

I am sure now things will only go from good to even better. He's even using his scratch post a lot more. I put a few treats on the top (it's quite a tall one) and in attempting to reach them he somehow "clicked" as to what the post is for. I have bought the nail clippers but won't attempt to use them for a few more days.

So to anyone out there who, like me, is beginning to despair about having a wonderful relationship with their new cat - don't give up - all will be well and he won't be scarred psychologically for life. Thanks again to those of you who reassured and advised me.

Ha, you posted this just as I was looking at Max and wondering if he would ever be as relaxed and friendly as his brother, or if I would be feeding him for years to come in return for the glares he gives me at the moment!

I ordered the Feliway this afternoon, so fingers crossed... Glad to hear of your improvement

Now 11/01/11 so I've had Reuben for just over 4 weeks and there is a marked difference in him. Lots more playing and cuddling, though still slightly jumpy if I move suddenly. One thing I'm especially pleased about is that he doesn't ever wake me up in the morning, as I go to bed late and get up quite late so wouldn't appreciate a 6.00am "call" of him meowing outside the door. I hope that doesn't change. In fact he rarely comes in my bedroom at all, even in the daytime when I'm in here on the computer. He's yet to discover the joys of that but I am fully expecting that one day he will! He does like "helping" me with paperwork if I'm doing it at the table - well, his main aim is to get the pen off me! We even have a routine now (set by him of course) which is mainly playing in the morning, sleeping under the table in the afternoons and sleeping on my lap in the evening when I sit down to watch TV. And yesterday, after much research, I finally ordered him one of those "cat tree activity" things, which I'm sure he'll like.

And today he went to the vets! I had realised it's going to be a long time until he will let me use the clippers on his claws, so had made an appointment for the nurse to trim them. But first of all I had to catch him and get him in the wicker carrier I mentioned in another post. I had decided this operation would be best carried out in the bathroom as there's really nowhere he can run to and hide, so I placed the carrier in there last night with the door slightly ajar and his favourite treats inside, and kept topping them up as he ate them, so he would see it as a "friendly" place.

Then this morning I didn't feed him because I'd decided to lure him into the carrier with chicken and wanted him to be massively hungry. But boy was he suspicious - he definitely knew something was up - I think he could sense my nervousness. I had a few dry runs, working out just how I would close the door in the fastest possible time when he was in. After about 15-20 mins of persuasion and bribery I finally got him into the hall with all doors closed except for the bathroom and the minute he crept in there, I shut that door too. So it was just me, him, some chicken and a basket. He made a tentative move towards the door of the carrier to sniff the food and I just pushed him in and shut it quickly! Off we went (the vets is only 2 minutes away) and although he was not impressed at being held firmly by the nurse, his nails eventually got done and hopefully now won't catch on so many things (including me). However I did notice that even though he was quite scared etc. he made no effort to scratch or bite either of us, which I thought was indicative of a calm nature, or at least a non-aggressive one.

I hope he's forgiven me for that now and I'm sure we'll just go from strength to strength now. Onward and upward!