Hi everyone, I'm new here and I would like some advice about my two cats. This may seem a bit long and complicated.

My two little guys are about 6 years old now, I got them when I was still with my ex and we were living together. Me and my ex split up almost two years ago now, and I moved back to my parents for the time being leaving my cats behind which upset me, but i couldnt take them with me.

My parents house is also their shop, based on a main road and opposite a railway, it is also 5 min walk from where my ex lives with our cats. I was going round to his flat to visit my cats but as you can imagine its not the best arrangement in the world, I dont particularly like being there as its where i used to live and its odd.

So recently I decided to have my cats round at my parents house for one evening a week when their shop is closed. The cats themselves seemed quite happy to me, they have been sleeping on my bed, puring, exploring, paddy pawing me and they seem fine, the only part they dont like is the cat boxes.

I had a problem on bonfire night in that my ex was stupid enough to let the cats out, I spent an hour looking for one of them and luckily I found him and brought him home, I was covered in cat scratches as the poor thing was terrified and wanted to bolt at every firework. I wasn't exactly pleased as my ex had given up looking for him. The next morning my ex sends me a text to say I cant take my cats anymore, that it unsettles them, its unfair and im being selfish and not thinking about their best interests. When I asked what he meant by they are unsettled, he said that one wants more affection from him and the other wants to go out more, which to me seems pretty normal for my cats.

I said I still wanted to take them and he kept calling me selfish. I'm not exactly happy about it. I've said that i will still take them every week until I find a new place to live and then i will take them off his hands. He wasnt exactly happy and so changed his tone.

I've come to pick them up today, and one really didnt want to get in the cat box, this seems normal to me but my ex made it seem like i was being cruel. (this is the same cat that I had to go searching for on bonfire night) He's still adament that im being selfish. This same cat is being odd tonight, at first he was really enjoying the affection i was giving him but when i touched his back end he started to growl, he hissed at the other cat and took a swipe at him. He then sat on his own for a while in the next room, being more antisocial than usual, he's even reluctant to have treats. He's finaly come in to sit with me and the other cat but he still doesnt seem right, he's not himself. Normaly he loves his back end being rubbed and he purrs so much and rubs himself against me. I'm starting to wonder if my ex was right how i shouldnt have them. I dont want to give up my cats, but thoughts and feed back please.

I'm hoping to try a new cat carrier, one of the metal cage ones that opens from the top. I thought my cat might feel more comfortable in this. Hopefuly I'll find somewhere to live soon where i can take them for more than one day a week, but my ex has said even this is not good enough as they shouldnt be moved back and forth at all. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Hi and welcome to PF.

I'm not the best person to advise here as i've only been a cat owner for a year.

It sounds like the fireworks really freaked out the cat that you had to hunt for (if your ex was responsible he should have locked them in & not allowed him to escaped) and maybe needs to settle down again.

Does your ex actually want them around? Could you take them full time when you find a new place?

I suspect its more that he doesn't want to see you & it's unsettling for him rather than the cats.

Hope you get things sorted soon.

__________________

My ex adores them, when I said i would take them off his hands perminently he was mortified. The agreement we came to was that I would still take them once a week and when I found a new place we would discuss it further.

When I complained about him letting them out, he said that he had let them out in the morning and that he had to work so he couldnt let them in, and that it was cruel to keep them inside.

As for not wanting me around, I think it may be the opposite. I was the one who ended the relationship, we were still good friends though. He's got a new girlfriend so i started going round less but he kept asking me to come visit. Its me thats stopped going round to see him as I dont like being there, the reason i started to take the cats is because i didnt want to have to sitat his place. When I asked how im meant to see them if i stop taking them he said i could come visit them at his whenever I like, I had to point out to him that it isnt that simple.

I'm wondering if my cat has a stomach upset, he's asleep next to me and was twitching a bit violently

The thing is I cant even ask if there has been odd behaviour while I havent seen him as my ex will probably just blame me and say its because he's here, but i know my ex doesnt really pay attention to them as he's always busy with his xbox. I've had to wipe car oil off my cats before now as my ex didnt bother to notice.

Ahh - get where you are coming from now. I don't think i'd be comfortable in your shoes either, sitting there at his place visiting the cats. Really don't know how to advise going forward though (am very sorry). You probably need someone who has been in the situation to help you out.

Still think he was stupid not keeping them in on bonfire night - my two were shut in all day (& they didn't like that) but it was for their sanity & that combined with the radio being left on mean't we came home to semi-chilled out cats. Anyway, whats done is done & hopefully it will be different next time.

I think your cat is dreaming about chasing things - which is why he's twitching, as Lucky does that so it's not a stomach upset. Watch out for sickness & dihorea (sp) just in case though.

__________________

Cats are territorial, you are taking them from their home to a strange home its part of the settling process by constantly moving them from one place to another you will see behavioural changes. If they were with you permanently they would eventually settle. You ex will see the same behavioural changes.

This is only my opinion as I have similar issues when mine return from the cattery they are very aloof and not happy to be touched, its as though they don't know me or trust me etc..

Sorry to hear of your situation. I do agree with the previous post in that taking them to yours once a week probably does unsettle them as cats are very territorial. However if your cat was not happy about having his back touched then I would get him checked out at the vet - just to put your mind at rest.

You are in a no win situation really at the moment and I feel for you.

Can only suggest that when transporting them to yours you get some Feliway or Felifriend to spray inside their box/blankets to help them feel a little more relaxed.

__________________
Kaz

For kittens, joy is for the asking and smiles are for the giving