im with live with cats and without boyfriend although i am not a cat lover as i am allergic to them too. i have a dog and if it was me i would find another boyfriend if u are asking it may be u already know the answer

It's difficult to come to a pet lovers forum and expect the vote to go towards the OH, as most of us won't get why some people don't like cats/animals when we LOVE them. Some of us love cats so much we go out of our way to keep them, such as taking antihistamines to suppress our own allergies, so allergies appear to not be a be-all-and-end-all of things. There are a lot of people here who can advise you how they overcame or manage their allergies.

But no one can advise you on how to make your bf like cats better, or to like them enough to want to overcome his allergies and to treat cats with more respect and love.

You need to ask yourself what you want out of life. For example, are you looking to settle down permanently, ie get married and have kids? If so, can you see yourself settling down with your bf permanently? Can you see yourself adapting to his wants, his needs, his behaviours (since AS is a lifelong condition), sacrificing your natural whims and wants, or it is going to build up resentment over the years? It does sound to me as if you're not getting what you need from your relationship (but I probably don't know the full story), and perhaps you have to reevaluate the pros/cons of staying in your relationship and what's most important to you.

If you're just in it for a temporary relationship with no intention to settle down, then you can always hold out hope for a cat in the future. If you intend on settling down with your bf, you need to give up your want for a cat in yours, and his, home because a cat living with a person who does not like it/him/her isn't fair for the cat OR the person who doesn't like cats.

__________________
My lifelong ambition is to be a crazy cat lady. The only obstacle is my OH.

Who will go and who gets to stay? Stay tuned...

If you were thinking the same. Then you know the answer.
I think when you live with someone it is hard enough but if you don't have anything in common and you are total opposites then it will be hard.
Not all people can cope with someone who has AS or any other life long condition, so you shouldn't feel bad.
The cat keeping seems to be one of many concerns you have.
You seem a very out going and independent person with a very caring side to you. I think it would be a shame for that to go because you have committed yourself to someone that you are not 100% sure of.
Take your time. there is no need to rush. You have one life so make it a good one!!

__________________

My ex husband didnt like my dog simply because he took my attention and i was stupid enough to think my dog would come with us when we got married. That lasted one week and my beloved dog had to go home to my mum.
Its got to be easier to get a bf who likes cats than live with a man who either dislikes your cats or is allergic.
Not being funny is he really allergic to them or is he having you on?

__________________

Your partner has AS - this is a tough thing to have and live with (my brother is on the autistic spectrum, has fragile X, so I know). Unfortunately his AS won't go away. It is very possible to live with and accept the foibles of an AS sufferer. But . . you have to realise that this is the way that is will always be. . . he won't ever learn to communicate or be spontaneous and he will need to keep things the same and follow his routines. It will always be a relationship on his terms really. But this isn't to say it can't be a good one. . .just that you know what you have and this is it really. It is very possibly enough. You find the friendship of others to fill the gap in the communication stake, or have kids etc. One thing he will be is loyal.

Also, what won't change is his 'fear' of cats and how he reacts to them, he isn't being horrid it is just how he is, he has no concept of the fact he is being irrational or unreasonable. This is his reaction to a cat and that is it, it always will be. It is quite possibly because he is allergic and this is now his response. The fact he is allergic will also never really change - if he is having a reaction because you don't wash your hair when coming in from the cattery but change your clothes I seriously doubt any cat would be good for him.

What you have to decide is whether he is 'the one'. Irrespective of cats etc. If he is 'the one' then you will manage without a cat in the house because you love him and won't put his life at risk by insisting on living with one. You can collect cat ornaments /pictures etc if you need to. If you love him enough you will compromise because he can't in this case.

If you don't love him enough then that is a different matter - it doesn't matter about cats - because then you are looking at the crux of your relationship and you need to work out whether you want HIM first. If you do then well and good, but it's a life without a personal cat in it, if you don't then you really should leave because no-one deserves to be second best and live with someone who doesn't love them properly. After all that, if you leave, then is the time to be thinking about more cats.

I think you sound depressed and grieving for the loss of your cat - this will take time - maybe you could try taking St John's Wort to help you through this difficult time. Or go see your dr. about it. This might not be purely about a cat OR a boyfriend - it could be about an imbalance that could be rectified and so put the world back on an even kilter.

Re - incidents like changing the ring tone on the phone - learn which battles to fight, which ones are REALLY worth going for - in the end, the ring tone on the phone is irrelevant and as he is AS you were likely to know it wold irritate him. I'd find somethings that are yours and you can be as spontaneous with those as you want - he will respect your space and stuff and so you can do what you want there. Often with AS people as well, if you say what you want to do before doing it, it helps, they don't like being surprised, it throws them and they feel very uncomfortable. HTH

__________________
please look at my website - www.finesthourcats.webs.com - for gorgeous GCCF registered RagaMuffins and Selkirk Rex

My boys over a boyfriend any day, I would never consider rehoming them (following my split from my ex found a temporary solution so I have more time to find a permanent solution). My boys are ace though and can't see how anybody could dislike them!

__________________
Mummy to;

Sooty 9.6.1996 - 28.04.2011 Rest in peace my love!
Storm (Sueragdandy Phantom) 28.02.2010
Benji (Kassaro Benjamin Franklyn) 08.03.2011

btw, if anyone is interested, I moved out and it was the best thing I could have done.

It's good to read you made the right decision for you

That must have been a hard decision to make. Even when you know its right, it doesnt make it easy.

Well done for doing what was right for you

__________________

I'm pleased you made the right decision for you

__________________