Female cats are very much on there own terms some times when it comes to affection and some arent lappy cats but like to just be near. Its hard if you let your cat out at night as most cats will end up in fights at this time of night. You will find alot of other cats will start coming in as they know you have a cat and theres food about. I think alot of people have the same problem. You can get cat flaps that are magnetic and only work with your cats own coller with a chip in it. It will stop the neighbouring cats getting in and them your cat relax a bit more.