Well Saffron, I agree with you. I have never had to deal with anyone like this but if ever it happened, the same feelings and suspicions would be aroused. You cannot allow a potential queen kitten to go to someone for whom it all goes their way - its give and take and from the sound of things, you may have been doing all the giving had you allowed the transaction to take place.
Good for you.
Doesn't matter whether the person is established or not, they should still extend the same courtesy by way of introductions. In fact, if the person WERE an established breeder, they would have understood more clearly how important it is to be frank and honest when you want such a big thing from someone.